


exactly what i needed to hear

by Olympus



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, M/M, Oneshot, Recreational Drug Use, claude is good at flustering people, claude is that one friend that always shares, edelgard is just kinda way too strong in that relationship btw, he's also good at ending relationships, weed to be specific
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 13:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20064625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olympus/pseuds/Olympus
Summary: Dimitri just wanted to get some relationship advice from Claude. He got that and a bit more.





	exactly what i needed to hear

**Author's Note:**

> hey!! i got tired of seeing byleth fics. also i really wanted to write something short! here is my first contribution to fire emblem three houses! i haven't finished edelgard or claude's route, so the characterization is super off... like, just in general. i promise this is fun though!

Dimitri hadn’t planned on spending his evening hotboxing a car with Claude. He just wanted some casual friend therapy. 

So, after entering Claude’s apartment (purposefully ignoring his friend’s offer of a joint), he immediately sat down and started unloading. 

“Dude, it’s just so hard to handle… Edelgard is constantly harping on me to study with her and her little posse. But they’re so weird! It’s like they’re almost a cult at this point—” 

Claude sighed, smoke curling around in the air as he exhaled. “Dima. You need to just break it off with her. I get that y’all have been a thing since, like…”

He trailed off to take another drag. “Since like ever. But you need space, she needs to get herself together, and it isn’t your job!” 

Dimitri nodded thoughtlessly, this time taking the joint when offered. He took a hit, slightly coughing afterwards. Waving away the smoke that clouded his vision briefly, he relaxed slightly into Claude’s old and stained couch. 

“By the way, man, there’s a movie I’ve been meaning to watch. I’ve heard it’s, like, super weird but it should be fun…” Claude fumbled to find the remote to his TV, leaning over the side of the chair he sat in. Dimitri watched in silence (and amusement) as his friend nearly dropped his own joint multiple times. 

With the remote in hand and a pleased look on his face, Claude managed to turn on Netflix. 

Dimitri’s thought’s almost managed to trail back to Edelgard before he saw what Claude was trying to put on. 

“Seriously?! Megamind? Isn’t that movie old as hell already?”

“Shut up dude. I haven’t seen it yet, and also it only came out in 2010.” 

Resigned to his fate, Dimitri settled in after taking another hit. He hoped the weed would kick in soon. 

And it sure did. Within 20 minutes, the pair were drawn into the movie, animatedly cheering on the blue-skinned protagonist and laughing at joke that were probably not meant for someone their age. 

The movie reached a point in which both Claude and Dimitri were nearly sobbing. 

With a watery gasp for breath, Claude paused the movie before turning to Dimitri, brown eyes filled with tears for Megamind.

“Oh my god… Dima, he really did not—” 

“I mean, it was kinda obvious that Roxanne would find out, but this is just…” Idly, Dimitri wondered why he took the plot of this movie so seriously. 

He decided to just acknowledge that perhaps it was a masterpiece of their generation that had been forgotten. 

Claude had obviously come to the same conclusion, though he had been saying all of it out loud without Dimitri listening. The movie was turned on again, and the two were enraptured. 

-

The movie ended, much to the dismay of Claude. He exited the movie and grumbled something to himself before reaching to roll another joint. Dimitri did the same, although his ended up looking a bit funky. 

He sighed, not for the first time. 

“Are you seriously still thinking about her? I swear, you’re almost obsessed,” Claude said, eyes focused on what he was doing. 

“Yeah I know, but she’s my girlfriend… we’re going through a rough patch right now, I just need to apologize and it’ll be fine I’m sure—” 

“How many times have you apologized?! Y’all go through a rough patch almost every month… I say you break up with her.” Claude sat back with his joint in hand, lighting it and taking a drag. “Trust me, I know when a relationship is over.” 

Dimitri snorted. “You sure do.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Claude waved his hand. “You know I’m right about this. In fact…”

The blonde unfortunately had forgotten his cell phone lay on the table in front of where he sat. In a deft move, Claude picked it up and typed in the passcode (which Dimitri had never given him). 

Briefly Dimitri wondered why the hell Claude was typing. To his horror, after grabbing his phone he saw it was too late. 

The screen read: 

hey bitch  
it’s over  
lol

They sat there for what seemed like forever, Claude noticing that Dimitri’s face was very expressive. He had gone through several emotions in that short time before his phone started to ring. 

“Oh my god. Oh my god. What do I do?! She’ll castrate me, she’ll—oh my god—” 

Claude snorted and reached over to press the button to pick up the call. Dimitri shut his mouth as quickly as possible. 

Edelgard’s voice rang clearly through the room. 

“YOU JUST THINK YOU CAN SAY THAT?! AFTER ALL WE’VE BEEN THROUGH? I ATTENDED YOUR FAMILY’S FUNERAL AND I GUESS NOW I’LL ATTEND YOURS—” 

Mustering any courage that remained in his body, Dimitri said “I hate you and your friends. You suck balls. Bye.” 

He hung up. 

Silence reigned before Dimitri… giggled softly. Claude was shocked at that, but started laughing himself. 

Soon, the two were in a fit, peals of laughter probably echoing down the hallway outside Claude’s apartment. 

Gasping for breath, Claude reigned himself in. “Really man? You suck balls? That’s all you had?” His eyes danced with mirth. 

Shrugging after taking a deep breath, Dimitri grinned at his friend. “I think it worked, though. She hasn’t called back again!”

The pair stared at the phone in awe. Dimitri jumped up from his sitting spot, high-fiving his friend. 

“This is huge! We have to celebrate somehow… wanna grab some food or something?” Claude asked, standing up and slapping Dimitri on the back after stretching. 

Dimitri saw that Claude’s eyes were red, and wondered if his did as well. However, he abandoned that thought before nodding at his friend’s suggestion. 

“Okay cool, lemme grab my keys…” 

Neither did anything with the joints they held, instead forgetting about them until they entered Claude’s car. 

Suddenly in a small space with Claude, Dimitri’s eyes lit up. 

“Holy shit, let’s hotbox this car.” 

They did exactly that.

Claude had an older car, the air conditioning working rarely. Luckily for them, however, it was relatively cold outside, so even with the smoke neither were too warm. 

Dimitri noticed that Claude’s hand was relatively warm, however, after they briefly touched. Claude had sent him a glance that Dimitri couldn’t decipher. 

Ignoring it for now, the two chatted between drags, their high remaining steady as smoke filled the car’s interior. 

They stopped after a bit, finger’s getting burned by the roach. In a hurry to get rid of it, Dimitri dropped it into his lap after being unable to get into the little tray Claude produced from the console. 

At this, Claude laughed. He looked Dimitri up and down briefly, no doubt analyzing him through the haze. 

He winked. Dimitri felt a certain feeling that his high didn’t hide. 

“So, what’re the chances you like guys?”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! drop a comment if you'd like!


End file.
